The day before my birthday actually was a pretty great day except for the weird dream I had (I’ll post about that at the end). The St. Louis County Police Hockey team played a fundraiser game for my family against the Metro East First Responders. They had a moment of silence for Bob and I truly hope everyone prayed for him and our family or just remembered something amazing about him at that time. They had the pipes and drums there, let the boys and I do a puck drop and just made it a great day. It was nice spending the day surrounded by family and friends. The guys put on a great game and Bob would have enjoyed it. Final score was 10-2, Police.
March 20th:
First day of Spring! Yay! I always looked forward (for the most part) to my birthday because it is the first day of Spring. I hate the cold so I look forward to any sign of warmth.
My 31st birthday. I woke up crying and just everything seemed to suck. My mom had stayed the night before and we went to breakfast which was good but the boys didn’t listen very well. She also got me a cake so that was nice. Bob was always the first person to tell me happy birthday but not this time. I thought my 30th birthday was going to be the worst but it turns out so far it was this one. I didn’t realize how bad this would affect me. I cried more than I did at Christmas which I didn’t think was possible. Not just another year older but now I’m the age Bob was when he died. I will forever now be “older” than Bob. I will see myself and our boys age and Bob will still be 31. It’s just unfair.
That evening I went to my in-laws for dinner for my birthday. I got some great cuddles from my nephew, Levi, gifts I wasn’t expecting and I got the best birthday cards from the boys (with grandmas help).
My nephew, Glenn, made an announcement that he was selected to play in a Hockey tournament at the University of Notre Dame so that was super exciting. This kid is 12 and he’s only been playing a few years. Amazing. He was talking to me about if he does become a police officer like his uncle Bob (he mentioned it a couple months ago) that he’d have a good hockey team to be part of.
Okay, I said I’d get to my dream. I don’t remember a lot of it but what I do remember just pissed me off and had me mad at Bob when I woke up. Bob was there and I could actually see his face and there was another guy whose face I couldn’t see. Someone kept saying I need to choose and I kept saying I choose Bob, I will always choose Bob. Bob then said to me that I can’t choose him, I already had my time with him. Normally in an argument I was the one to walk away to calm down so I guess in a dream I just have to wake up and that’s what happened. I woke up and that’s all I remember.