Bob and I always thought being honest with the boys about things is best so that’s what I’ve continued to do since he died. Honest with the fact that daddy was dying and after he died that he’s not coming back but we will be reunited with him one day when God says it’s our time. We never wanted to shelter them from the truth about things and I think it’s making them strong little boys. Having my counselors and the boys counselors tell me I definitely did the right thing makes me feel more confident about all of it. Even my Priest said you have to face death when it happens because it’s much easier than if you put it off to try and face later. I’ve battled over the years if it was the right decision or not but I know for sure it is. Some people don’t do this and that’s fine, everyone is different but for my boys specifically it’s what they need.
When Blake died, once again I was faced with something I didn’t know how to handle but the boys knew something was wrong. I was honest with them and with how he died. Logan had many questions and I did my best to answer them.
When Ryan was shot and in the hospital, I was once again honest with them as to what happened and how we didn’t know yet if he would make it. They call him Captain Smooth and he was such a good influence in the boys lives since Bob passed and they needed to know the truth.
When Logan’s Godfather Rob was diagnosed with cancer the boys were told right away and then when he passed away I was honest about all of it with them.
In those moments it’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to do as their mom but I know Bob would be so proud of me and how I’ve handled it all.
Since this week is the trial of the person who killed Blake, there have been a lot of emotions going on with that and dealing with my own health issues, that the boys know what’s happening. Last night Logan started asking questions about it and was so curious about the trial so once again I did my best to give him answers. When we were done talking about that he brought up Ryan again and how he was shot a long time ago but still can’t wrestle with them. I explained why he isn’t able to right now and Logan is just happy that he’s still alive and part of his life. He then told me that because of Blake and Ryan that’s why he’s going to be a police officer. He said there are too many bad guys out there and he wants to help protect the good people and other officers. He’s wanted to be a police officer for the longest time and it is a good feeling that he doesn’t only want to be one because daddy was one but because of the officers who have lost their lives in the line of duty and have been injured in the line of duty. For a 7 year old I think that’s pretty amazing and makes me realize that much more how good of a job I’m doing with these kids that God has blessed me with. I have no doubt that Logan will be an amazing police officer one day.
Matthew 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.