Today has been 6 months since I lost the love of my life. I honestly can’t believe it’s been that long yet it still seems like yesterday. When I was picking out Bob’s burial spot the guy had said that they can’t set the headstone until at least 6 months after the burial. I was kind of surprised you had to wait that long but here it is 6 months and I don’t even have one picked out. I seriously thought in my head I would have it picked out and they would be setting it by now but it’s so much harder than it seems. Until you’re in this situation you really don’t know. May seem weird but I have a folder on my computer with pictures of headstones that I liked so I could get an idea of what I wanted Bob’s to have and I want to make sure not to forget to put anything on it. Seems like every other week I think of something that needs to go on it.
The boys and I didn’t make it to his tree today because they had school and then we had to run to the doctor after school to check out Logan’s eye that’s been bothering him. We will go this weekend though.
I did go by his grave today while they were in school. I told myself before I got there that I wasn’t going to get out because I was wearing flip flops and it had just rained a lot the night before and I knew it would be muddy like it had been pretty much every time I’ve been there. I was last there the week before Bob’s birthday and there was a little bit of grass starting to come up on his grave but not much. Today when I pulled up there was quite a bit of grass and I just had to get out and see it. I was almost in shock seeing the grass and not seeing dirt. It means it has actually been that long since he’s been gone. I knelt down and cried and just talked to him. I looked at all the grass on his grave and looked to my left and saw all these clovers growing up around his grave. I couldn’t believe it, right there where I looked was a 4 leaf clover. I’ve never in my 31 years of life found a 4 leaf clover (and I’ve looked many times) and there it was almost plain as day. I picked it and just smiled as I cried. Just felt as if somehow everything is going to be okay. I am currently pressing it in a book and will laminate it later.
Be open to the signs.