This post is a little late but I’ve been trying to keep busy and this weekend/week was full of stuff.
Friday, the 27th of May was 7 months since Bob’s been gone. I decided last minute on Wednesday evening that since Logan didn’t have any tee ball games until June that I’d finally make the drive to Indiana to see Bob’s dad and brother and our niece. I was kind of getting this anxiety because of it being 7 months and I couldn’t believe another month had gone by without him. I was determined to drive the boys there even though I had never made that trip without Bob and had never driven that distance by myself with just the kids.
Bob and I always stopped at Culver’s in Effingham as our one stopping point on the way. In years past if the kids were sleeping I would go in and use the bathroom while he stayed outside with the kids and then he would go and we would just use the drive thru if we wanted something to eat. We always got some sort of mixer to share and whoever wasn’t driving would have to help the other eat. We made it to the Culver’s and inside we went. We made it through lunch with no meltdowns just losing 45 minutes that I could have been driving. As we got closer to Bob’s dads I had even more anxiety than I did when I first started out and just started to cry. I was really doing this by myself and without Bob and this is how it will be and I can’t change that.
We only stayed for the 1 day and we drove home on Friday. I just wanted to be in my own house and since it was the 27th I didn’t want to deal with anyone. We again stopped at Culver’s because Logan and I had to go to the bathroom. Caleb was sleeping so of course I had to wake him up just so I could use the bathroom. I know other people have to do this too or choose to but I didn’t choose this life. Some days are fine but other days my hands hurt so bad from the RA that it’s hard to unclip and clip my children into their seats especially after I’ve been gripping a steering wheel for hours. Again, like I’ve said in other posts, I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, I just want people to understand. I’m not always feeling up to it to go somewhere and do something. It really does take a lot out of me. Well, we made it home and I had planned to go to Bob’s tree but I was too tired.
On Saturday I went out to my hometown to a friends mom’s house. I was last there 3 years earlier right after Caleb was born because Bob and I had taken Logan out to see the farm animals. My friend Kristin was my very first friend. We became friends when we were 2 years old and even though we see each other once a year at most we’re still good friends. Her mom had found an old sign that Kristin had made for the clubhouse we played in when we were younger. It was a list of rules and we had such a great time laughing at the rules listed. They are good rules to live by though. 🙂 The boys swam in the hot tub (it was turned way down so it was like bath water) and I almost stepped on a snake. It was a fun time for sure.
Sunday I went to my in-laws for dinner. I brought over one of our small inflatable pools so the boys could swim since it was pretty hot.
On Monday a friend of mine dropped off a futon bunk bed frame for the kids. Bob and I said that we would get them bunk beds for their 3rd and 5th birthdays so when she asked if it was something I would be interested in I said yes, knowing that Bob would approve. It didn’t have directions so I looked them up online. I started putting it together after they left and realized that I was in need of 1 bolt, 1 nut and a few washers. I panicked for a moment but realized Bob would just go to the Handyman Store down the street and get what was needed so that was my plan for Tuesday.
Tuesday was another full day. My mother in law and sister in law took the kids to Grant’s Farm. That morning when I checked facebook it showed me what happened on that day 4 years ago. What are the odds that Bob and I had taken Logan to Grants Farm that day and it had also rained that morning. While they were gone I went to the shooting range again to relieve some stress. It’s such a good feeling when I leave that place. I went to the mattress store and bought a twin mattress for the top bunk then headed to Handyman. I was doing so good until the cashier asked if I had an account there. No, but my husband did. Okay, we can use his and then she repeated his name a few times to make sure that was him and I asked if I could use it still since he passed and I started crying. She said how sorry she was and that he was so young which only seemed to make it worse, yes he was only 31 and died of cancer. Ugh, I was doing so good before that! I came home and finished putting the bed together and felt a sense of accomplishment and I know Bob would be so proud of me. I only smashed my finger one time so that’s good. Also, seeing the look on Logan and Caleb’s face after they saw it was priceless.
Thursday we finally made it to Bob’s tree! My friend Christina watched the kids for me for a little bit so I could get some much needed grocery shopping done and the kids always have a good time at her house. We ended the night with Logan’s tee ball game and got to spend some time with his Godparents. Logan did great in his game and a lot of people complemented how good of a hitter he is. I think he enjoys having his own little cheering section.
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this, I appreciate it!