I’m not sure I even have the words to say but just need to write something. I stood in line at the visitation for Blake for 2 1/2 hours and I know the line had to be a longer wait after that. I was outside for about 1 1/2 of those hours trying to prepare myself for what I was about to see and what I would say to Elizabeth. As we made our way into the building I started to get more anxiety and had to hold back my tears. Even though this wasn’t the Kutis Bob was at it looked the same as the other one and just seeing all the people and police I just kept envisioning Bob’s visitation. I made it to the Chapel where we all looped around before heading into where Officer Snyder’s casket was. As we were in the chapel I saw Chief Belmar making his way backwards through the line shaking everyone’s hands and thanking them for being there. As soon as he got to me he gave me a hug and I just lost it. He was there for the fundraisers for our family and there to say goodbye to Bob at the hospital and thank him for his service and I’ve seen him several times since including last Thursday when we all gathered after we heard the news and he has yet to forget who I am. He is truly an outstanding guy. He asked me if he told me last week how pretty I was and I just laughed and said no. I think that was his goal, to make me laugh and smile. When we got to the room where Blake was it was very overwhelming but an amazing sight to see with an officer at each end of his casket standing guard. I even was able to see them do a changing of the guards. I didn’t see Elizabeth in there because she was taking a break which I completely understand. I was able to talk with her in the lounge for a little bit before I left though so that was nice. I just told her I know the way Bob died wasn’t the same but that I would be there for her for anything she needed. Not only did our husband’s work together and we were bonded as police wives but we are now bonded as Widow’s (very young widows with small children). A word that I still hate to use. We compared our husbands wedding rings on our necklaces and just cried and hugged.
Thursday morning I woke up and started to get ready for the funeral. I was scrolling through facebook seeing all the posts about Blake and how amazing the community is. I watched a video of the bag pipes (same ones that were at Bob’s funeral) and it just took me back again. Caleb ran over to me and looked and listened and then said “bye bye”. Now I don’t really know if it means anything but in my mind it’s him connecting that music with when he said “bye bye” to his daddy as his funeral. It’s nice to think it is at least because I’m not sure what all he will remember.
Being in the church for the funeral was again amazing and overwhelming. All these police in uniform packing the church. There was overflow seating outside and in another building. It was a sight to see for sure. Listening to people talk about Blake reminded me so much of Bob. Blake helped out with the youth at his church just as Bob did at ours and the kids flocked to Blake just as our teens flocked to Bob. These were two amazing men that were taken from us way too early. I don’t think there was a moment that I wasn’t crying during the service. Afterwards we all prepared for the drive to Blake’s final resting place. We were closer to the back of the line and I believe the procession ended up being around 18 miles long. I had texted my friend Meghan to see where she was since I knew she was closer to the front and when she was in Alton we were just at 170/270 which was about 16 miles behind her. Every highway and road we took was shut down just for the procession. There was a fire truck with an American flag on every overpass and the amount of people lined up on the overpasses, sides of the roads and in Alton was a sight to see. People were holding American flags, thin blue line flags, thin blue line signs, God Bless Officer Snyder and God Bless Our Police signs, people were crying and praying, it was beautiful. People on the opposite side of the road even stopped and stepped out of there vehicles to pay their respects to Officer Snyder and the family. It really showed the amount of support our Police do have and shows love is greater than hate.
We arrived at the cemetery at the end of the service since we were so far back but were able to hear his final radio call, see the helicopters fly over and the releasing of the doves. Afterwards we headed to the dinner. You could see how absolutely exhausted everyone was from the long week, really long 2 days and just the crying. I haven’t been that emotionally drained since Bob’s funeral. I again spoke with Elizabeth and said how amazed I was at all the support. Her and I had never been to a police funeral until Bob’s and this was 1.000 times what Bob’s was. We talked about how Bob’s is coming up on a year and she asked me how I’m so strong. I honestly didn’t know what to say because I’m good at hiding how weak I really am but I did tell her that what keeps me going is Logan and Caleb and what will keep her going is that sweet baby Malachi. Elizabeth, you are stronger than you know and you will soon find out just how strong you really are. God and Blake will be there guiding you as I’ve come to realize that God and Bob are the ones guiding me and I need to stop and listen to that. Like I told you before Elizabeth, anything you need I will be there for you, no matter what it is. We’re in this together.
I still don’t have all the right words to say but sometimes all you can do is just be present and offer a hug.