Saturday we had great weather and the kids played outside for a little bit that morning before I decided to go see my mom at the last minute. Packed up the kids and headed to New Haven. The boys had fun for the few hours we were there.
We came back home to get ready to go to dinner at a friends house. Boys got haircuts before we left and we headed to their house. The kids were having fun playing and next thing I know Logan is complaining about his eye and it swelled up pretty quickly. He complained about it earlier in the day and I just assumed it was allergies since Bob had pretty bad seasonal allergies. When it swelled up like it did though, that scared me. I decided to take Logan to the Urgent Care just to be safe. Tricia sent me off with some of the dinner she made for us since we left before we had a chance to eat. On the way I called my mother in law to see if she would be available to meet us there in case I needed her. Taking both kids by myself for the first time to an urgent care for one of them overwhelmed me and knowing they hadn’t eaten yet I didn’t know how well they would act while there. I was fine until I called her and then I started crying. It just brought back all the memories from when I had to call her to come watch the boys because they found a mass in Bob’s chest and the other times I had to call her because of something with him during his battle. Trying to be strong for my boys but it’s so hard.
Filling out paperwork and having to list that their dad is deceased just added to the emotions. They asked if I knew of anything he was allergic to and besides assuming he has seasonal allergies I said no. They asked about family history of any allergies so I told them his dad had bad seasonal allergies and I just started crying again. Ugh, I wish I wasn’t so emotional. I can’t even make a simple statement without crying.
On Easter Sunday we went to Bob’s side of the family for lunch and an Easter egg hunt. Logan’s eye was still swollen but much better at this point. I love all of Bob’s family but just being around them without him is so hard. The boys had a great time with their cousins and enjoyed the day.
Today is Bob’s 33rd Birthday. Happy Birthday to the man that made me whole and gave me the greatest gifts of being a wife and mom. I don’t think I truly started living until I met Bob and it’s so hard to figure out how to live without him but the boys and I are doing it whether we like it or not. I went to 8:15 mass this morning because my friend Christina had this mass being said for Bob for his birthday. The two servers were young men that Bob and I met when they were only teenagers and we worked with the youth group. Seeing Adam and Joe doing today’s mass that was being said for Bob was just awesome. These two are in the Seminary now and just amazing men of God. Of course I started crying when the priest said Bob’s name but I made it through.
This afternoon the boys and I went to the cemetery to release balloons and Sgt. Wildhaber happened to pull up at the same time as us so that was nice to run into him. We then made a quick stop at the police station to say hi to everyone. All in all today turned out to be better than I thought it would. I am starting to learn to celebrate Bob’s life and the amazing gifts he left me with rather than dwell on the fact that he isn’t here.
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