Yesterday the boys and I had family photos taken, the first professional photos as a family of 3. The one thing I was so thankful for last year was that we got family photos taken with Bob about 1 1/2 months before he passed. It was right before everything really started to go downhill. They were so good and I’m glad we have those to look back on. I didn’t know if I could even get through family photos without him but I knew that I wanted them done so if something happens to me then the boys at least have some good photos of us and not just selfies of me with them.
Yesterday morning I didn’t know if we were going to be able to do it. Logan was upset and said he didn’t want to do family photos and didn’t want to be my family. He pointed to our family photo with Bob from last year and said we already have a family photo and I want to be in THAT family. I just had to walk away and take a break otherwise I was just going to ball my eyes out in front of him. I seriously don’t know how I’m doing this. Every day it’s something different with the boys and I don’t know what I’m doing. I need Bob, my partner in life, to help me make decisions when it comes to them. I feel like I’ve failed on the whole parenting thing the past year. Bob and I were such a good team when it came to parenting decisions and just everything in life. I miss that. I hate questioning myself if I’m doing something right or not, I hate when someone says something about my parenting and then I have to either defend it or really look at it and wonder where I went wrong. It sucks, it’s not the boys fault. Last year was so confusing for them with all the back and forth and not having Bob there the majority of the time and not having me there a lot of the time too. They just didn’t have the routine that Bob and I had them in and they were so little, they didn’t understand what was going on. I did get some reassurance yesterday though from my photographer friend who didn’t even know all of that happened that morning. She loved seeing them so full of life and happy with mommy when taking the photos. She said it shows how well I am still thriving with them. She didn’t even know I needed to hear that but I am glad I did, it’s definitely nice to hear. I’ve linked her info in one of my blogs before and I’m going to again, she’s really great and works so well with the crazy kids. 🙂 http://www.amandalinnphotography.com
Here’s one of the photos from yesterday.
