Yesterday I received a call that Bob’s headstone has been placed. I’ll take that as my Valentine’s present since I didn’t get anything. The emotions after that phone call were insane, just all over the place. I didn’t realize it would make me so emotional. I was just shaking and crying and couldn’t function for a little bit. I was trying to make lunch for the kids and just kept dropping things and couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t make it out yesterday to see it because I had the kids and I don’t want them to see it yet so I came today after dropping them at school.
I first headed to sharpshooters to pick up my gun that I had them clean (thanks Bill!). The guy asked if I was shooting today and I said no that I was heading to the cemetery. I was okay when I was talking to him about it but as soon as I left and started driving towards the cemetery I couldn’t hold in the tears anymore. The closer I got the worse I got.
I pulled up and I immediately saw the headstone and said to myself, “there it is, Bob”. I’ve been waiting for this day for the past 15 months and it’s finally here, it’s hard to believe. It looks just like the drawings did but it was so much better seeing how it turned out in person.
I laid down a blanket and sat there just staring at it. Making sure it was how it was supposed to be and checking spelling, even though I did that on the drafts of it before. The family photo of us is etched on the back and eventually I will have something else added to the back. Bob’s police photo is on the front but it’s hard to see in this picture because of the sun glare. I couldn’t believe how nice it looked. I think Bob would be really happy with it because I know I am. I was there for about 40 minutes talking to Bob, crying, praying and just in a daze staring at it. I didn’t even realize two other cars had pulled up until the one guy walked right past me to his wife’s grave. Him and I pass by each other often while we’re out there and just usually smile and wave. He cleaned off her grave like he always does and went into his normal routine. I’m not sure how my routine will go now that the headstone is placed but today was so much different than any other time I’ve been, so many more emotions than before too. I’m happy that it’s finally out there with him and that gives me a little peace. I hate seeing the dates on there and seeing how young he was especially compared to the people that are buried near him and it makes me sick that he didn’t get to live longer. Seeing my name on there is kind of weird too but it’s going to be eventually anyway so I figured might as well add it now.