New Year

I watched so many posts yesterday of people doing a decade post of what happened in their lives over the last 10 years. Most of them were so wonderful, meeting their love, marrying their love, having babies, buying a house, etc. I thought about mine and was just sad because I too had all of those things including new nephews and nieces, but a lot of loss as well. New Years Eve has changed over the years for me but it seems I’m finally in a good place again. I’ve learned that if people (even if they’re family) don’t want to be part of your life or see the boys grow up then that’s on them. Life is too short to try and make people want to spend time with the boys. They are thriving regardless. There are people that didn’t know Bob that want to know about him and hear stories of him. I don’t need to stop talking about him or stop doing things in life that he would want me to do. There are people that will accept that and not try to change you. I’ve learned to stop focusing on everything bad in the past. Things have happened and you have to move forward from them otherwise you will be stuck, you won’t grow, you won’t be happy and your kids will see that. It’s a hard realization but if you have to cut people out of your life to make yours better then so be it. Here’s a little run down of my last 10 years. 

2010
Bob and I got married after a 2 year engagement and being together for almost 6 years.

2011
We brought Logan Michael into the world.

2012
We bought our first house.

2013
We brought Caleb Robert into the world.

2014
Bob decided on a career change and became a police officer, not knowing at the time it would be the best decision of his life. Even with 2 crazy kids to come home to he got Top Academic in his academy class. He finally loved a job and found his calling!

2015
Bob was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 30. I watched him fight hard and he was truly the strongest man I know. I watched my 2 and 4 year old boys say goodbye to their daddy and I watched him take his last breath. At the age of 31 he passed and I buried my best friend, my love, my boys daddy and the one person who understood me more than anyone, the one person who could look at me and know what I was thinking or how I was feeling.

2016-2018
I struggled to figure out my life without Bob. My life as a solo parent and what my purpose was. I didn’t drink alcohol at all, then drank too much, gained weight, lost weight and finally found a good balance to everything.
Figured out how to grieve and still be a good mom to my boys who were also grieving in their own way.
Caleb was diagnosed with Celiac and Juvenile Polyposis syndrome requiring our diet and life to change again. Requiring him to have yearly colonoscopies and endoscopies.
Caleb had his tonsils and adenoids removed. That was a rough 2 weeks.
More death, hard to understand at times why life is the way it is.
I had some ups and down and made some irrational decisions based off of commonality and false forced feelings.
Lost friends and family along the way but gained so many amazing new ones. #3rdprecinctwives

2019
Started school again, 6 classes down. Scary and exciting! Maybe I’ve found my purpose after all. Hopefully.
Sold mine and Bobs house. Very sad to move out of the area but it was time and now I live closer to most of Bob’s family!
Bought a new house in a new town. I love this town and am so thankful for amazing neighbors and how welcoming everyone has been.
Lost my grandma (my last living grandparent) but happy to know that she lived a long (99 years) and pretty much healthy life.
Met Erik, found peace and happiness again, something that I haven’t truly had since Bob was here. The boys and I couldn’t be happier in this moment after all we’ve been through the last 5 years.

Here’s to 2020, praying that it will be the best year in a long time. God knows the boys and I need it.

Life is short. Do what makes you happy.