“Officer Down” are two words you never want to hear yet we’ve been hearing them more and more often lately and they are unfortunately words that were heard very early this morning for my own Police family.
It’s not out of the ordinary that I wake up in the middle of the night. Sometimes it’s because I hear a noise outside or the kids are tossing and turning and that wakes me up. I sleep a lot lighter than I used to ever since Bob passed. I woke up at 5 this morning with a weird feeling and looked at my phone for the time and then went back to bed. It wasn’t until I woke up for good that I realized what had happened. Seeing all over the news that an Officer had been shot. I immediately broke down and when I realized it had to be someone that Bob worked with I was sick to my stomach. I started scrolling through my facebook friends of the officers that work there. That one posted something, they’re okay, move on to the next and the next. When I finally heard that it was Blake Snyder I couldn’t believe it. No no no, I said to a friend, this can’t be, it’s not fair! His wife is younger than me and they have a 2 year old son, this can’t be happening! My heart aches so much for them.
My 5 year old knew something was wrong. I cry around them once in a while but they hadn’t seen me cry like this since Bob died. He asked me what was wrong so I told him. I have always been up front and honest with them about what was going on with Bob and that’s something that Bob and I had agreed on so I knew I had to tell him the truth. I told him and my sweet 5 year old had tears in his eyes and said, “but bad guys don’t have guns, Police Officers do”. I said I know buddy, they aren’t supposed to but sometimes they do. After that, Logan prayed with me for Blake and his wife and son and all the other officers out there.
I’ve never been in the situation with an in the line of duty death but I know from loosing Bob that I needed to be with my Police family. Be there for support in some way. I had two police wives message me that they were meeting so I called a friend to watch the boys. I am so thankful for my friend Christina in so many ways. She said “yes” without a second thought and took the boys for me. I had never been to the building where we all met so I had entered the address into my gps. I didn’t realize it until I got closer but it should have told me to take 55 (that’s the route it had me take on the way back home) to get there but instead it took me all the way down Telegraph through Affton. I don’t normally drive that way but when I do I just remember the day of Bob’s funeral because that’s the route we took. I’ve mentioned it before about the “signs” I’ve received from Bob and I don’t know if it was a sign or not but I’d like to believe it was Bob’s way of telling me Blake’s with him now and he’s okay. Also while driving to the place, Msgr. Breier called me. I had contacted him recently about going back to church because a friend gave me the push I needed and was able to finally make it back. He called randomly today just to check on me and say he was glad to see me at Mass on Sunday. The call couldn’t have come at a better time today and I just asked him to pray for the family. I don’t understand everything in this life and why it happens but I have learned to recognize when God shows himself. He knew I needed that call when I did.
Seeing all the officers that I love go through something like this is devastating. I get to see some of them when I go and visit at the precinct, we’re not supposed to be seeing each other like this. Some of them I hadn’t seen since Bob’s funeral and it was quite overwhelming but every one of them asked how the boys and I are doing. We’re family, that’s what families do and I’m so thankful for all of them. I heard quite a few stories today about Blake and it was so nice being able to hear those and see the officers smile when telling them. A few times we actually laughed which felt good. We heard a loud whistle and a guy yell out “did anyone lose a wedding ring?”. I’m not going to say who it was because I don’t want him getting in trouble for misplacing it for a few minutes but it was nice in that moment to just have a good laugh. Another laughable moment was when Captain Stocker gave Brandon a hug and his jacket ripped so it was blamed on Brandon for being too big to hug. Being able to laugh through the tears and pain is sometimes the only thing that gets you through. I’ve learned that myself over the last year.
Tonight my mother in law came to watch the boys for a bit so I could go to a candle light vigil being held for Blake. The turnout was absolutely amazing and the support from the Affton community for the Police was overwhelming. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing in this life but I’m slowly figuring it out and God’s bringing people into my life to show me that. I know when the time is right that I will be there for Elizabeth for whatever she may need and will support her in whatever way I can. Please continue to keep them in your prayers along with the rest of the police officers. We need them to see our support.