Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving and I honestly just want to sit at home in my pajamas and feel sorry for myself. It’s 10 am and I’m supposed to be getting ready but I just can’t seem to find the strength. Bob died on the 27th of last month. Halloween was a few days after he passed and the only reason I made it through that was because I think I was still numb or I seriously thought I was having the worst nightmare of my life and I just couldn’t wake up from it. Bob’s 3 step brothers and their families, Bob’s sister and mom and my mom were all here that day to help me take out the kids so they could enjoy Halloween. If it wasn’t for them my kids wouldn’t have gone. I’m so thankful for that.

So I guess for Thanksgiving I’m thankful for family because I wouldn’t make it without them. All of Bob’s family has always been great but they’ve really stepped up since he passed and the boys enjoy spending time with them. I’m thankful for the people that I used to work with at Walmart 11 years ago, if it weren’t for them and their loud mouths (Danielle!) Bob may have never asked for my number. We were young and he definitely wasn’t thinking about marriage at that time but our friend DeAndre put it in his head and actually got him thinking about it and I’ll forever be thankful for that. I’m thankful Bob stayed by my side through all of my complications with my diseases. I’m thankful he asked me to be his wife and I’m thankful he gave me two of the best boys I could ever ask for. I’m thankful I got to know him for 11 years and got to know what true love felt like. I’m thankful I got to see him and his band play at shows and see the joy he got out of that. I’m thankful for all the videos, photos and recordings of Bob doing all of that. I’m thankful for the songs he wrote for me and the boys. I’m thankful for all of the friends I met through him. I’m thankful for him introducing me to the Catholic church. I’m thankful I got to witness what a great role model he was for the youth group at our church. I’m thankful that if anything needed fixed around the house he figured it out. I’m thankful for having the perfect partner in life. I’m thankful he was able to finally find a career that he loved. I’m thankful for the Police Department for being there for us. I’m thankful for all of the officers that I met through Bob. I’m thankful his faith only got stronger through all of this and people were able to witness that. I’m thankful for all of the amazing memories he left the kids and I with. I’m thankful for Amanda from http://www.amandalinnphotography.com for coming to our house before his last chemo and taking our family photos. I’m thankful for friends who get me out of the house for a fun day at the zoo or a night for dinner and drinks. I’m thankful that there’s not a single person that has anything bad to say about him. I’m thankful I was able to be by his side and take care of him throughout everything with cancer up until his last breath. I’m thankful for all of the donations, food and cards that have been given to us. I’m thankful for the boys school and staff and the anonymous donors they’ve found to pay for their tuition through the end of the year. I’m thankful for all of the support we’ve gotten since he passed.

This Thanksgiving is going to suck. I’m assuming all of the firsts without him are going to suck but at least I still have a lot to be thankful for. Bob wrote me a letter before he died and one of the things he said was to not just curl up in a ball, I needed to live my life. It’s going to take a while and be really hard but it’s what he wanted and I’m going to try and do that for him.